Dear Son:

   Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I am writing
this slowly because I know that you can't read fast. You won't know
the house when you come home, we've moved.

   About your Father, he has got a lovely new job. He has 500 men under
him, he cuts grass at the cemetery. Your sister, Mary, had a baby this
morning. I haven't found out yet whether it's a boy or a girl so I
don't know if your aunt or an uncle.

   I went to the Doctors on Thursday and your Father came with me. The
Doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten
minutes. Your Father offered to buy it from him.

   Your uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of Irish whisky at the
local brewery. Some of his work-mates tried to save him but he fought
them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out
the fire.

   It only rained twice last week, first for three days then for four
days. We had a letter from the undertaker he said if the last payment
on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes!

   Your loving Mother

   P.S. I was going to send you twenty dollars but I have already sealed
the envelope.

Joke Index Homepage