If People Bought Cars the Way They Buy Computers...

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Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?

Customer: I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened.
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of
those technical terms just to use my car?

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Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?

Customer: My car ran fine for a week but now it won't go anywhere!
Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle and
markings from 'E' to 'F:' Where's the needle pointing?
Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
Helpline: It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some
more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it
for you.
Customer: What! I paid $12,000 for this car. Now you tell me that I have to
keep buying more components? I wanted a car with everything built in!

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Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?

Customer: Your cars suck!
Helpline: What's wrong?
Customer: It crashed, that's what's wrong.
Helpline: What were you doing?
Customer: I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal to the
floor. It worked for a while, but then it crashed.
Now it won't start!
Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't
crash anymore.

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Helpline: General Motors Help Line. How can I help you?

Customer: Hi. I just bought my first car and I chose your car because it
has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes
and power door locks.
Helpline: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know how to what?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places.

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